Friday, September 08, 2006.

sOmehow, i have loads of tots for blogging but din noe how to gather it properly so i can represent myself clearly n not get misunderstood... the prob with blogging is that for what u gonna express might turn out the different way to others n got others upset or offended...
i haVe been trying hard to find back myself.. or rather my own personality but it seems to drift further n further away from me? i dunno y.. izit due to age? as we grow older we tend to have more considerations for other thus not wanting to be ourselves which in 1 way or another hurt others??? or are we just losing our directions slowly with this world??? ppl always say to me.. jeanne i like ur character.. the kinda strong, straight-forward, the da jia in me, the protective over my frenz me.. even sj's toiletmate mention tat the very 1st time she saw me.. but am i still like tat??? i wonder............. or did i not really notice i m still the me i used to tot i m?? sometimes when i m alone i keep thinking what kinda person i m, i search hard but yet to get myself to believe what i tot myself to b.. sometimes i got angry with myself coz i cant represent myself the way i wanted to and ended up in a big mess... many of the times i really "bring out my heart" to treat ppl but in return i get all the unreasonable demands from them.. quote from valli other ppl take our kindness as our weakness.. which i agreed!!! *Nods* it is especially true for frenz.. i must say for all my frenz i really treat them with the utmost sincerity but what do i get in the end??? i can swear i nv doNe any hideous mistakes to my frenz around me.. many of the times, i just felt helpless.. i give but it nv seems to be enuff.. yes.. humans are greedy creature, we goNna admit this fact.. i seriously hate to be-friend ppl who thinks that they are kings/queens awaiting ppl to give in everytime n always the authorative one.. seriously i cant stand it n would nt tolerate n have to stop tolerating coz we aint kids.. we should be mature adults dealing things the very mature way.. perhaps i have the over-aged mentality but who on earth would ever stand the idea of keep giving in in a frenship or relationship?? either she is mad or she will one day break down.... honestly, i just feel tat it takes 2 hands to clap n it applies to any form of relationship which at this stage to me is frenship.. kinda sick n tired of holding on to some frenship out there, trying to be happy but i m not.. in this case i rather we stay off as hi-bye frenz so i wont be affected.. take for eg. , i initiated for chalet 2 yrs back for my canoeists.. i planned n bought everything myself of coz with some help here n there and in the end after 2 yrs, i got to know that i m the biggest fool afterall.. 2 of the guys actually bluff me tat their frenz mom passed away n left half way the chalet... arent they idiots??? they dun appreciate, i m fine with it but wth they used other's ppl death as an excuse? i felt dumb! this is how much i got repay for my kindness?? i m seriously upset with this matter although it was long ago matter.. come on ppl, let's treat each other with dignity and a little bit of kindness if u dun haf any.. dun think u have put in so much effort, look others are there ppl who give more than u?? we haVe this habit to only look at how much we give n put in but nv to step out n c how much others had put in comparatively...
sOmetimes, i felt really lonely not in person but in terms of soul.. i m down today deep inside myself.. i wonder what kinda person i m?? how come when i wanna get some company to shop i cant even get 1... it really reflects how much i m worth to others... ya.. i must be understanding with all the other priority commitments so what can i say... i felt a strong sense of loneliness suddenly.. i scrolled through my phonebook looking to c who can i ask to come out to meet up but i found none.. cant believe it... guessed that i m suffering from fri blues.. haHa.. contents are meant as a general opinion not personal..

{ 9/08/2006 10:42:00 PM }

narcissism.

jEaNne Neo
14 mAy 1986
TaurUs/tIgresS
mFps, xMss, nyjC and sMa-sch of managemeNt
lOves sunFlowers, roseS, puRple, perFumes, clotHes!!!!, shOpping, eatIng, hangIng out with freNz, golden tAn n my family

materialist.

i want this

A better working environment
Good break
Sleep
10kg of fats off my body
Driving license
New cupboard.. i need more space for my clothes!
Killer abs so i can pierce my bellybutton!
Treat my family to dinner
Degree
A shoes cupboard for all my shoes!!!

voices.

memories.

February 2005 March 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 March 2008 May 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 December 2008

thanks.

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