Monday, March 10, 2008.

It had 2 mths since i blog and nothing really much to blog abt... things haven been good.. i m under tremendous stress from home.. i had been losing my sleep so much so that my dark rings are so bad, it is like seeing ghost.. many things just surface on my brain when i try to sleep.. it had been almost 2-3weeks of torment and headaches, i lost interest in going out.. all i wan to do is to stay home, play my nintendo ds, watch tv, talk to my bro & sis, clean up my closet & surf the net.. i lost interest in clubbing despite the tremendous to club... it had been a long time since i felt this way, and back then was 3+ yrs ago.. history repeats itself? mayb.. i nv believe in giving up to destiny, i am not willing to.. i chose to fight on and show a happy face coz i m nt willing to just sink! i tot everything was good but who knows it was an illusion.. and now i m being shake awake from this dream of mine.. i know i must not just give up fighting but honestly, i am very drained.. i wished there is this someone to share with me but i know i m alone, i cant rely on anyone.. i hate to go through this again and again.. nothing seems to change and it is even harder for human to change.. there is only so much i can do, i am also a human.. a plain & simple ger.. it is only natural for me to feel tired after these few yrs.. my heart is faint, my courage is fading, my will is weaker, my emotion is older..

I wished for more support yet all i get is more & more heartaches.. so what if i tell, does it make any difference? no.. paying lip-service is just such a simple job.. the feeling of being attached is so amazing yet so painful.. i hate to be misunderstood.. i hate to be stereotype.. i hate to be so strong that i had to manage everything by myself.. i hate to be so emotionally dependent whenever i like someone.. i hate myself for keeping everything inside and refused to say it out now but it seems so into me now.. i only say what i deems would only please people and yet displeasing myself so much internally that i felt the blood dripping each day.. i dont expect similar returns but at least appreciate and look at what i am willing to do for you.. i nv like to rmb or keep reminding ppl abt what i do for them, so don't ask me what i've done for u coz i will nv been able to tell u all.. i took ur responsibilities as part of mine without much complain yet to find myself being hurt time after time by what u deem me as...i wished u can try to understand what i m going through and been there for me to give me mental support.. i've nv forgotten what u've done for me and nv taken it for granted but think through all these while, have you unintentionally took me for granted then? u nv know how much i am keeping inside of me just to make u happy and to paint the greatest picture of all times.. and the words which nv fails to reverberate inside me poking me slowly and painfully..

The yr din begin well and hasnt been well, too much tears to stop it overflowing out from my eyes, too much emotions to cope with, too much stress to overcome, too much pain to bare with.. and i m losing it to my temper.. i m becoming such a nasty tempered person now and i dunno y.. pls dun think of asking me to church.. i nv like that.. y do it seems like happiness is so far away from me now?

{ 3/10/2008 05:58:00 PM }

narcissism.

jEaNne Neo
14 mAy 1986
TaurUs/tIgresS
mFps, xMss, nyjC and sMa-sch of managemeNt
lOves sunFlowers, roseS, puRple, perFumes, clotHes!!!!, shOpping, eatIng, hangIng out with freNz, golden tAn n my family

materialist.

i want this

A better working environment
Good break
Sleep
10kg of fats off my body
Driving license
New cupboard.. i need more space for my clothes!
Killer abs so i can pierce my bellybutton!
Treat my family to dinner
Degree
A shoes cupboard for all my shoes!!!

voices.

memories.

February 2005 March 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 March 2008 May 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 December 2008

thanks.

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